EA trip day 1

It’s 10pm in Leeds, UK and there’s still sunlight to be seen. The sun sets around 10pm and rises at 5am it would seem, now that it’s summer. Well it’s been a really long day. And a really long night.

The highlight of my long 18 hour journey was meeting a Russian girl on my first plane, who was looking for a row of empty seats but unfortunately was stuck with me because the flight was full. 29 year old gym manager on her way back from visiting her sister in Perth. Good talker. We could connect. Discovered Lucrece was on the same plane too so during transit the 3 of us hung around and did things like going toilet and washing face, going around looking for testers to moisturize our faces… That was fun. 🙂

The next part of my trip I knew I needed sleep, so I did. I fell asleep before the plan even took off from Abu Dhabi. Woke maybe 10 times. got tricked by sunlight into thinking I’d been asleep for 5 hours when it had only been 2. Woke in time to watch most of Labor Day before the plane landed in Manchester.

It just felt like it had been a really long night.

Landed, got through immigration, collected baggage, collected tickets, collected Jessy, missed our train, begged for mercy, got mercy, took the train, arrived in Leeds, met Ian, and now we’re here.

It’s too early to put my thoughts in coherent shape… but I like what we’re going to do. The only problem is I don’t have the “go get it” excitement about things yet. I wonder if it’s because the people group and area aren’t any i’m really interested in. Or is it that I wasn’t prepared for so much learning. Or is it spiritual warfare. I don’t know.

But first off, Ian and Helen are amazzzzingg people. They were one of the first to pray in places which weren’t open to foreginers! Fluent in the language, seasoned ms, yet so hospitable and down to earth and fatherly/motherly. It is beautiful, the food Helen prepared for us, the property we are living in, the grounds, the people who bustle in and out, and the wealth of knowledge, experience and passion that resides in these people.

I’m getting really sleepy. It’s 5.30am malaysian time. I think i’ll go to bed now.

Joy is here

May God arise, may his enemies be scattered;

may his foes flee before him.

As smoke is blown away by the wind,

may you blow them away;

as wax melts before the fire,

may the wicked perish before God.

– Psalm 68

Strange that a verse like this is such a comfort to me. But then again, the promise of victory only means something those who are hoping for it.

I love this verse because it draws the attention to God – the deliverer, the warrior, the incomparably invincible. He arrives on the scene like a majestic king. His enemies fly like dust at His coming. It speaks truth into a situation so twisted by deception. It speaks life into a heart so deadened by lack of hope.

It speaks to me. Telling me that my rescuer is here. He has come to rescue me.

It tells me what the position of my heart is to be– happy and joyful. A few days ago, in the midst of my venting I heard a still, small voice say “Joy is a choice”. Indeed, it is a position of the heart that one chooses. And the easiest way to find that position is by opening the mouth to praise. Praise — it can be a most powerful yet unexpected weapon against darkness. Funny how the hardest things to do can be so simple actually.

 

Home is where the heart leads

Last night reminded me of many things.

That I am a warrior inside.

That I am in a position to launch others.

That true rest is the most powerful armor I can wear.

How heartrendingly beautiful worship can be.

How easy it is to flow with people whose hearts are completely after the same thing.

How much God’s heart longs for a people that will set themselves apart for Him.

How words are not needed for worship.

How the things God told me I would do long ago are coming true.

How far I’ve come.

How much farther there is to journey.

Why I went to music school.

Why I am “wasting” my life and not building my own career and fame.

Why I needed to keep myself consecrated all these years.

What coming home means.

my beauty, your glory

One question that will always make me laugh is – what did your boyfriend do to get you?

it was a japanese guy i was talking to.. a highly intellectual character who unfortunately is a little less skilled in making a good impression on girls.

“nothing” i said. “he was just being himself. and i saw his heart.”

“argh” he replied. “that doesn’t help!”

hahaha… of course not. the true answer is never the easiest solution.

I was reminded of this conversation later, while talking with Aunty Suzie on our last night in Chennai. She was saying how when a husband looks good – healthy, handsome, happy etc. it’s a compliment to the wife. (wow, what did your wife do to you?) And vice versa.

That made me smile. how cool is it that in a marriage, one’s blossoming gives glory to the other? The more one is set free to pursue what is in one’s heart, the more the other is admired and praised. Only God could have designed it that way. Because the beauty of the trinity speaks of the same love – bringing glory to one another.

Only true love will sets others free.

i do wish that guy all the best. may God open his eyes to understand and master the slightly more difficult language of human emotions. 🙂

Moment of truth

This is it.
Too much has been poured out to be taken back.
All the sacrifice and waiting must count for something.
If extravagant worship is what brings you down.. well, we’ve counted that cost long ago. 
Now we wait.

And the house was filled with the fragrance
Of the sacrifice of the shameless
She came wasting
She came loving
She came giving all

Here’s to life.

Is it my over-achieving attitude that makes me disappointed I’ll never get the CGPA I want? Hahaha.

This little smug self that wants to prove herself to herself in everything yet finds it so hard to believe she can do the simplest tasks. What a paradox I am. =)

Whatever I get will be wonderful, and whatever I don’t get its okayy. And I will never be perfect because that’s life. If I’d wanted to be a distinction first-class student, I would have parked myself in my books and piano and never gone for teabreaks, hung out with friends, joined CF, taken part in warfare, allowed myself to be romanced.

I would have missed out on life.

So here’s to life and its imperfections. God says you’re next. And I have no idea still what that means… but I’m here and I’m ready!

One step. Two step.

So it’s over. 

God, was that really worth all the suffering this week? 

Many things to realize. Many things to ponder.

Many things to weigh, sigh over and wonder.

What does precaution mean? Do I close my heart to prevent further attacks?

 

So it was good. And I know the battle’s won. I saw it in their faces, I saw it in their eyes. 

I felt it in my heart as the words flew home. Never will I question what my Father wants to do. Impress I did not. Tremble I did not. A murky message in my head but a clear fire in my heart. 

We won. But things are lost and I know not whether they will be repaired. The sacrifice I made, will I always have to bear? Can two not walk together in the midst of constant battle?

In this my heart is steadfast, in this my heart is safe. That God the Father holds my heart and in Him I am well. My God fills up all the missing areas that we can never fill. And in this is my hope – that God will never let me down.

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