But even if I don’t, things are not impossible. Because in every situation, God gives me peeeeeople! Who are so different from me.

I don’t regret having the heart of an ENFP. That one’s for keeps. Love moves things that others can’t. =)

It’s surprisingly easier to hold on to God when material things are stripped away. Just saying… The more and more clutter I gather, the harder it is to leave it all behind.

I’m on holidays. But maybe it was the result of attending two meetings in one night. And knowing there’s so much more to come.

C-HOP wants to grow next year. And they’re asking for commitment. MYPG wants to explode next year. And they’re asking for nothing less than full availability. Just these two ministries entail questions that go beyond my brain capacity at the moment. But that’s not all. Next year, I’m stepping up in the areas of church and school. And planning to start bible school. How is all this possible? How can one person do so much?

It’s not meant to be a part of myself for each ministry. It’s a giving of my all for all. 100% for each one. The words tonight were comforting. I was already half an hour late for my second meeting – skype call with the 10. But I stayed and good thing I did! Because they prayed for me – this group of aunty warriors and Pastor Andy. Aunty Lei Wah saw two pictures.. the first of me in a jungle, often lost. It’s confusing and scary. But as I looked closer, there were pebbles on the ground and I followed them. The second was of a pebble being thrown into a big lake (tada… come see my new house) and the ripples spreading. She said “You will ask – what can one person do? But you don’t know how the things you do will influence many lives.”

As usual when someone begins praying over me, I let out my heart to the Lord in tongues. Usually that’s the time I get to hear my own heart. And it was saying… “I don’t know how to do it Lord. How am I going to do so many things? Help me. Help me.”

Yes help me. Help us all!

1. Ahh….. reading the travel blog of a volunteer in Lima just gives me this strange, unexplainable feeling. It’s like a deep hunger hidden away inside of me, to be going places doing what I love to do, know people, know children… One day, one day.

2. My friend from KK who’s supposed to arrive in KL to help me with the Children’s Prayer Conference…. discovered she had booked her flights terbalik… wrong destination and wrong take off. She had no money to book a new flight.

3. My guitarist for the conference is not coming anymore.

4. Felt so bothered by the lack of hunger I sensed when I was leading worship at prayer meeting. It’s this dead cold, waiting kind of quiet that just made me go Arrgggghhh!!  It’s just the opposite of the atmosphere last Sunday when the church was so engaged, so faith-filled. I pushed, some followed.. and we got somewhere. But what can you do? If I keep griping about this, I know how I’ll look — a rigid, over-spiritual, young person –just how a prophetic person comes across at times. Don’t take it out on people; take it to the Lord in prayer.

5. Correcting someone older in church. Just because I have the right to do so (because of some recent, erm.. upgrading) doesn’t make it any easier! Especially if it’s an aunty… because, you know they’re used to being the ones taking care of you.

6. And as if saying no three times wasn’t enough, I just got asked to sing lead for “Everywhere that I go.” Nooooo…A chance to perform in front of big big shots and with lecturers that I’m secretly in awe of. And whoa whoa… it’s a worship song! Why do I keep getting asked to do stuff on the 27th of November. This Hazel retreat is so strategic la.

Ok I’d better close my ears to increasing temptations and repeat these 3 words: I LOVE HAZEL. I LOVE HAZEL….

Other than that, things are awesome. God is good

A timely excuse was handy. Homefellowship retreat. Must be some retreat it’s going to be. Already given up the chance to see “Everywhere that I go” reincarnated by my lecturers, play for Joe Loy at some Malaysian Christian artist event that features a bunch of well-known and upcoming (josh yeoh’s in there!) music makers, and now this.

Wah. Hazel I love you.

After the hearty lunch, uproarious laughter, and warm company the thought of working that night smelled of tiredness and emo-ness. But just in time, God said “Wanna go on a date?” And that totally changed my perspective of the night out.

Actually he’s been asking me for weeks. I either had no time (then) or forgot. But tonight it was wonderful. I scooted off as soon as my last set ended, and for the first time just wandered through the Street at leisure. There was a silly smile on my face the whole time but I didn’t care; it’s a very busy place so no one would notice. Then he showed me some really cool stuff. Like… just for me (!!!)

Not only that. He kept me safe, guided me to my car, and showed me a new way home… without toll! The best thing about going on a date with God? You can bring him home. No need goodbye at the front door.

Sometimes I see people imitating my bad spots more than I see people imitating my good ones. And it disturbs me. Haha.

In relation to kopi…. I am testing out whether coffee exacerbates backaches. Coffee is acidic and acid doesn’t exactly build calcium. Of course I would love it that I’m proven wrong. But the backaches have become too constant to endure. So here’s to Day 5 without coffee. (Pat on the back)

As of today, backaches still on and off… but I can stand/sit straight, shoulders pulled back without any strain. This “natural” poise normally takes me a lot of conscious effort. Quite a breakthrough.

Spiritual people pick up things all the time. Ok I shouldn’t use that word. We ARE all spiritual beings, are we not. Prophetic people, then. Lightning rods. Like it or not, spiritual gifts aren’t switches you can turn on or off. Sometimes the overflow is delightful (like reading minds when you’re not trying to) but sometimes it is plain uncomfortable.

And that is why I don’t beg for classified information the way I used to.

Feeling too much of a stranger’s pain when I need to be studying…. sigh. Sensing the scent of death in a restaurant where cancer patients go… eww. Telling a friend to break up with his girflriend which no one knew existed… ouch. But the worst is really picking up the spirit of lust. Yes you heard right, lust. When you recognize it objectively (which means when you’re not under its grasp) you will know it anywhere because is the most sickly, disgusting thing in the world.

Maybe I feel it more because it was once my greatest struggle (and later my greatest victory). Maybe because it is everywhere. Maybe because I am a young woman, one of many who are often the object of lust. I’m talking about it now because it bothered me during the whole of dinner time. In times like this I long to be dense; I wouldn’t have felt so uncomfortable.

But I know I wouldn’t trade my gifts for anything in the world. This access to treasured secrets brings way more joy than pain. More excitement than disappointment. I love this life.

I only ask God, that in “times like this” when I yearn to switch off the power… You give me more power instead to speak out Your word and minister.

But only when not trying to, as is the case with some other gifts. Considering this is the first time it’s really happened, I’m willing to consider it an overflow from some of the things I was doing during this morning’s prayer. And not really a new separate gift.

But… perhaps? The Spirit never ever runs dry, does it?