I love you Lord :)
29 May 2012 Leave a Comment
When God showed me what would happen this year, the dilemma that tore me apart suddenly became clear. It only took a moment’s hesitation (And a few months of pain) to make a decision. I’d learned… through repeated times… that when God gives you the choice between your heart and His, He puts Himself in a very vulnerable position of letting us choose Him above ourselves. The freewill to choose His sovereign will. Ironic at that. Haha.
His will doesn’t change. But our part in it, and our enjoyment of it, is affected by the extent of our surrender.
This is the happiest moment of my life. And no one will ever take away this memory. I know that even a relationship would not make me this happy. It’s not a noble thing to say. It’s a relief that the sacrifice was worth it. It’s a relief that everything He said has come true. It’s a relief that I can say “I love you Lord” and know I mean it with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength.
I’m blessed to have never lacked specific (and much needed) directions in the area of the heart.
I’m blessed to see God’s favor poured out everywhere He sends me.
The happiest things in life
26 May 2012 Leave a Comment
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u know.. rou yen said God healed her hand. coz she didn’t feel any pain when playing the Latin song. she sprained her left wrist during practice.
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17 hours ago-
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and when i watched yesterday’s video
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during hosanna, carmen cried….then she was saying something to rou yen that, she doesnt know why she cried
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seriously, i don’t mind working with non-christians again. coz it’s the best way to tell them the feeling of how a person like me became christian…from non-believer to a christian
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it’s….my way of sharing the happiness of being a newborn christian i guess
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it’s part of my learning process too
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17 hours ago-
u mean organizing a concert is the best way for you to share ur experience?
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17 hours ago
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not say share la…but…not by telling, i just hope that ppl involved, will feel what i’m feeling too
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17 hours ago
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ah i see.
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hope u weren’t too affected by the negative side effects
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17 hours ago
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i just learnt something today
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condemnation
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17 hours ago
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anything to do with winning souls means we’re in warfare. when we’re in warfare we get attacked, usually thru discouragement
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ok
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17 hours ago
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just came home from “7steps to freedom ” class
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yea, kevin and joanne helped me thru the other day
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this week was quite ok with me
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just last week, i couldnt take it anymore, i needed joanne to say something about the posts
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and hence kevin’s post
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rare post
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it helped me to know God more
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through all of you
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my closest friends
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you, joanne, alesa and kevin
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17 hours ago
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last year, God told me that many ppl in music school would come to know Him this year
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i mean… that’s what I heard when I was asking what to focus on this year
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17 hours ago
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mmhmm
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17 hours ago
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and the best part is that.. it’s really not our effort. He’s the one doing all the work behind the scenes
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17 hours ago
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yea
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i heard the same thing u know?
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actually
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it was when gabriel’s band playing the song
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this is the day
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17 hours ago
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really? how
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17 hours ago
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i cant hear Him clearly….but it was something like “This is the day u’ll see me do wonders, just see”
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then when i came home, i watched that video…
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carmen cried
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then melissa cried also
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17 hours ago
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whoa! god spoke to u!
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so awesome
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17 hours ago
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she told me i dunno why i’m crying, but im a buddhist
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17 hours ago
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i want to see that video
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17 hours ago
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yes…very sudden…like a voice covering the whole hall
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that moment when they’re singing the phrase “this is the day”
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17 hours ago
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hahaha!
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who told u “i dunno why i’m crying?” she was standing beside u?
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17 hours ago
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melissa
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when i went out to greet them “good job”
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17 hours ago
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when i walked out the hall after hosanna
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17 hours ago
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so now is a good time to be talking to ppl about God. not preaching.. just sharing ur experience. coz right after concert, ppl are open. tmaybe good time to start cg again too.
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17 hours ago
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melissa was crying, then she said “im a buddhist, but i dunno why im crying, im touched”
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yea
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16 hours ago
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if He shows or tells me anything, first person i shared with is u
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serious
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see, how many times i’ve told u things har?
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then the next one is joanne or alesa
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16 hours ago
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ok. ya… if ur still learning to hear God’s voice then yes you should bring it to someone u trust
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16 hours ago
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because u brought me to him ma
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so i tell u lo
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16 hours ago
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haha
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actually ah.. when i think about it, i didn’t bring you to Him. He was leading u already, right… i just pulled the trigger
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16 hours ago
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that’s why i said i need ur guidance if i’m doing or saying anything wrong
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hahahaha
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16 hours ago
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coz that day when i brought u to cf, u said “this is what i’ve been looking for”
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16 hours ago
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come to think of it
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yes
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hahahaha
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16 hours ago
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i dun remember
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that i cried rmb
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actually
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i just made up a story, although i was realy worried abt my dad
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but
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i dunno why i cried
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i just felt something unbelievable at that time
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dunno how to explain
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16 hours ago
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but after a few weeks u didn’t want to go cf already. how come?
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16 hours ago
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and i thought it was because of my dad, but it doesnt really feel like it
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coz of my mom
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i told my mom about cf
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16 hours ago
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oh
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16 hours ago
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so it’s basically because of family la
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16 hours ago
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ur mom going to church now?
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16 hours ago
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now
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yes
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she’s a believer now
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just because nowadays i’m going to church very frequent
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my dad keep asking me why i go to church so often
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why not just sundays
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he’s afraid that im too superstitious
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16 hours ago
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he miss u?
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16 hours ago
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no
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16 hours ago
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hehe
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16 hours ago
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but, this is not really superstitious lo
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i cant deny what i felt and what i’ve encounter
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16 hours ago
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ya. superstition comes from fear. relationship with God comes from love.
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u know.. everytime u talk about ur experience, i want to cry
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16 hours ago
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why?
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16 hours ago
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coz it makes all my uni years worth it
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16 hours ago
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hahahahaha
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16 hours ago
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i wanted to go to missions, not university
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16 hours ago
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actually sometimes i dunno whether am i hearing His voice, or it’s just a thought in my head
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16 hours ago
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God said “this is ur mission field. it’s a good place to grow up”
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16 hours ago
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but everytime, it leads me to the correct place
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good lo
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now u’ve completed ur mission
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I AM
26 May 2012 Leave a Comment
We never set out to prove anything. But ultimately the night itself did.
It proved that God is sovereign.
It proved that students can organize their own concerts to a sell-out audience, much better than the school can.
It proved that what brings out the best music is worship. Religious music, yes. We call it worship.
It proved that when we provide a platform and allow things to take shape on their own, the surprising results are more enjoyable than making sure everything follows a fixed plan.
It proved that the impossible daydreams of your mind can be done.
It proved God to our friends.
I need healing
11 May 2012 Leave a Comment
Nothing beats this feeling I have right now.
Knowing I left 3 important books in school.
Frustration. Hopelessness. Worry. Argh.
Father we ask of You this day
Come and heal my brain
Knit my nerves together
So there are no faulty synapses
Then I won’t still lose
The things I can’t afford….
Give me just one chance
To find my books again
Give me just one chance
To right my wrongs again
Give me just one chance
To get away with this
And we pray our Lord
Heal dear Eunice’ brain
Tiringness
30 Apr 2012 Leave a Comment
I’m looking at my semester for the next sem and going…. Oh man, if I already feel so tired before it’s even started. How am I going to do this? Either I become superwoman or let go of a lot of things. It’s annoying how tired I get! Why does my body fail me? Why does my mind shut down against my will?
It’s just 7 subjects, but i know I’ll be gone. Gone from home, gone from church meetings, gone from catchup sessions. Last year I had 10 subs but I only survived that because of coffee and low involvement with ministry. This time, I don’t know la.
My mind’s been getting stronger and sharper but it’s not enough.
I just spent a whole evening with 3 introverts, and felt so drained. I was like… why am I, the extrovert, feeling like all my energy is being drained out? Hahaha… I love those people to bits. I just couldn’t understand why I was feeling so tired around them.
My mom asked me a few days ago if I’m anemic. That was quite a surprise. I was like, er…. no?
“Because I see you’re quite pale sometimes,” she said. “But all the things I’m giving you are good stuff.” A few bells rang in my head. I do get that comment often. Er…. I shall try to exercise more! I said, trying to sound determined. I really don’t want her to be worried! She is forever concerned about me. Honestly tho, I don’t see that self-discipline for exercise anywhere in sight.
I often feel my mother doesn’t understand. But then again, maybe she’s the only person who understands. She’s the only one that sees my haggard face in the morning, my eye bags at night, who gets the “i’m not coming back for dinner” calls, prepares the lunch boxes that are sometimes never opened. Maybe she’s the one who truly understand how it all affects me. Perhaps this Mother’s Day the best gift for her is to heed her advice?
But that’s impossible. I can’t stop what I’m doing. Sigh…. God, what should I do? We’ll just have to see what happens over the next few months…
Tiringness
30 Apr 2012 Leave a Comment
I’m looking at my semester for the next sem and going…. Oh man, if I already feel so tired before it’s even started. How am I going to do this? Either I become superwoman or let go of a lot of things. It’s annoying how tired I get! Why does my body fail me? Why does my mind shut down against my will?
It’s just 7 subjects, but i know I’ll be gone. Gone from home, gone from church meetings, gone from catchup sessions. Last year I had 10 subs but I only survived that because of coffee and low involvement with ministry. This time, I don’t know la.
My mind’s been getting stronger and sharper but it’s not enough.
I just spent a whole evening with 3 introverts, and felt so drained. I was like… why am I, the extrovert, feeling like all my energy is being drained out? Hahaha… I love those people to bits. I just couldn’t understand why I was feeling so tired around them.
My mom asked me a few days ago if I’m anemic. That was quite a surprise. I was like, er…. no?
“Because I see you’re quite pale sometimes,” she said. “But all the things I’m giving you a good stuff.” A few bells rang in my head. I do get that comment often. Er…. I shall try to exercise more! I said, trying to sound determined. I really don’t want her to be worried! She is forever concerned about me. Honestly tho, I don’t see that self-discipline for exercise anywhere in sight.
I often feel my mother doesn’t understand. But then again, maybe she’s the only person who understands. She’s the only one that sees my haggard face in the morning, my eye bags at night, who gets the “i’m not coming back for dinner” calls, prepares the lunch boxes that are sometimes never opened. Perhaps this Mother’s Day the best gift for her is to heed her advice?
But that’s impossible. I can’t stop what I’m doing. We’ll just have to see what happens over the next few months…
Just a dream
17 Apr 2012 Leave a Comment
Just had a dream in which a certain lecturer, one known for being an atheist, stood up to give a “testimony” on the good of religion. Short of accepting Christ, it still registered as a shock.
Dreams they have been strange and memorable lately. A result of both sleeping too little and sleeping too much.
Divine paradox
10 Apr 2012 Leave a Comment
It’s a paradox. On one hand, God is revealing more of His glory to our church and we anticipate every new revelation with joyful anticipation…. while on the other hand, a dear friend lies stricken with cancer and the church suffers with him. We are experiencing God’s power and presence like never before, yet are stumped by the futility of our prayers for something as simple as the relieving of pain. As one escalates in intensity, so does the other.
In my heart I understand. Of course. The most glorious things happen in the midst of the worst sufferings. But in my mind, I don’t want to understand. Because to understand means to accept what is too painful. Maybe my mind is never meant to understand, then?
One thing is for sure – He is pruning our church.
Sigh… it’s a…
09 Apr 2012 Leave a Comment
Sigh… it’s an interesting ministry, worship. You can actually work yourself out of your job. Yet that’s not entirely possible because heaven is full of worship.
Today I had a Jonah moment. I felt like I had obeyed, I had served, given my all… only to be told to move. I’m not saying that’s what really happened. It’s just how I happened to feel a teeny weeny bit. And I didn’t really know how to respond.
I felt like the leaders were cutting off the roots in an attempt to make way for the newly minted fruits that had just come out. I felt (in my Jonah moment) that they didn’t see how the roots had worked and waited patiently for the fruits long before they did. I felt, i felt… and in that place of disappointment, I think I felt what every other leader has felt before– unappreciation.
My heart wants to say.. “can’t they see?”
Can’t they see that worship has been improving?
Can’t they see that we are contributing to that increased hunger?
Can’t they see that we need to practice?
But that fruit I’m talking about is revival.
Which changes the whole story. Because when God comes, does anything have the right to NOT move? Nothing. His glory comes, it fills the temple, the priests stop their ministry. There is no need for service anymore. No one can claim that He came because of this ministry, or that.
Still, practical questions remain. And the need for mutual understanding.
The relativism of worship leading
28 Mar 2012 Leave a Comment
Every time someone says “you led very well today” I wonder how to reply. But when someone says “I enjoy your worship leading” it’s easy! What always comes out of my lips is always “I enjoy it too!”
Worship leading is one of the thrilling things I get to do. With a good team it’s always fire or rain or hail. Something happens. Once in awhile, the atmosphere is very heavy and you end up doing CPR >.<
But when that lift comes, when you feel the fresh air blowing through as people start waking up… you know you’ve gotten somewhere.
Why the relativism. It always happens. An intercessor knows when the mark has been hit. Each worship leader, however, has a different marker. Some aim high, some aim low. Sometimes someone used to aiming high is brought low by personal troubles, and God comes to meet His people in their need. Sometimes someone who doesn’t aim very high is surprised when God blows through anyway.
I am an intercessor. I am very tidak apa about a lot of things, but when it comes to worship leading.. I know when I’ve hit it or not. The latent effect of walking by the Spirit is that your convictions run contrary to the natural.
It also means being ahead. Here’s where the incongruity happens. Because you see farther and know where you could go, you feel hindered by others who only see this much and don’t think it’s worth the effort anyway. It’s common isn’t it? People enter a worship session expecting God to minister to them.. and just stop there. How about all God wants to show about Himself?
Worship leading feels like a bowling game over and over. As the ball hurtles down the alley I wonder “will i hit it? will i not?” And when I’m tired, when my will is weary from rallying the hunger cry again and again… I somehow find the strength to rise again.
Last Saturday, I went home thinking… nothing could ever beat what just happened. 6 hours of warfare that felt effortless, because we were warring through worship. As I thought of Sunday, my heart felt heavy. Well, it won’t be the same, I thought. Half of my team is struggling to play the right chords. In my heart I stopped aiming high. I got home and felt a nudge when my parents started talking about the FGA prayer seminar. My thought was “Wow. I think my parents have just had a personal revival.” They’re so determined now to bring the church out of lethargy. What am I doing settling for less? Why am I belittling my team mates?
He came on Sunday, as he always did – the funniest part was teaching my church to clap on the upbeats. (Keels over). By the time we came back to the chorus, half of them were clapping on the downbeat. Hahaha! Anyway, it was the first time I used a Scripture as the basis for a worship session and it worked! There was that light in people’s eyes as they sang “Heaven is in my heart” after mini-mini-mini-sermon. Still, there were a few times in the middle of Revelation Song, when I opened my eyes and saw people with dead, bored eyes.. looking around. They were adults, you know. People who serve every week. In my heart it was clear – God is moving, but not everyone’s getting it. Oh well, this was what I expected eh?
But I saw other things too. I saw some people “caught up.” I heard a friend who hasn’t been coming to church singing Worthy Is the Lamb on his own accord. I heard people say the worship set the tone for an amazing service. I clearly felt God leading me not to go to the bridge for the last song (tho we’d practiced and i like that bridge) bcoz something else was coming later that needed more time. I figured it was the chairing. Somehow my dad is moving with a lot more spiritual authority now. I thought he connected the worship and prayer time very well. Usually worship and prayer are separate in our service.
Yea, it wouldn’t compare to Saturday when it was just 8 people – all ready and experienced. But for those around me, God met them.
The tension is always there. Straining forward yet beckoning people along.
No theology, just thots.
